Happy New Year!

Today is not New Years of course but if feels like it to me in many ways. First of all, it’s my sister’s birthday and, since my sister is my world, the day she was born is like the start of time for me. Hehe, maybe I’m exaggerating, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISSY! The truth is, today I talked to someone who gave me incredibly great advice. Our conversation empowered me to want to make some big changes in my life. Not dramatic, noticeable changes like quitting school or shaving all my hair off; subtle yet significant changes like being more honest with myself and others, not being afraid to be myself, being more sure of the decisions I make regarding my future, avoiding things I know don’t make me happy but I somehow convince myself that I want or need, and recognizing that I am a mature adult ready to face the world with confidence. Today feels like the first day of a happier, stronger, and healthier year. It’s a scary feeling actually, but it’s good. I hope that one day I can return the favor I received today and give someone the kind of advice that makes them feel like they can have a fresh start to life. So, again, happy New Year everyone!

Dreams

I’m 22 years old, one semester away from graduation, and, like so many people in my situation, have know idea whats going to happen after graduation. There are possibilities- doing research in Tanzania, serving at the Baha’i World Center in Israel, getting a job in Amherst for a year. But none of these options are certain and, although I know I want to become a midwife, I don’t know where I’m going to study midwifery, if I’ll really start studying a year after I graduate like I plan, and what I’m gonna do after graduate school… Anyways, I’ll stop writing about this because I know its not too interesting. I just go the urge to because tonight I’m feeling impatient Last night I was thinking about all this before I went to sleep and I had a dream. But it wasn’t a helpful prophetic-type dream. It just made me more confused because in my dream I was presented with even more options for what to do after I graduate. Maybe tonight’s the night. Maybe I’ll have a dream that will make everything clear and simple! Let’s see. I’ll report back tomorrow…

Its been awhile

After about a month of being so busy that I often didn’t have time to do little  things like pluck my eyebrows or staple my homework papers together, I finally feel like things are slowing down a bit. It may not be for long but for now I’m enjoying the extra time to think and meditate.

I meditate best when I’m jogging and listening to cheesy pop songs, and today while I was jogging I realized something that I think is pretty exciting but it may cause me to drop out of school soon. I’m just kidding really but you’ll see what I mean.

The more college classes I take, especially anthropology  and development studies classes, the more I realize that nothing in life is certain. Everything is relative and the good-versus-bad thing doesn’t exist. For example, electricity is pretty awesome and I don’t think anyone would argue that. But if electricity is introduced into a rural village by an electrical company that is so interested in making a profit that it neglects to make sure that its electrical system  is environmentally friendly and sustainable, then the village may suffer from pollution and disease, drought, and famine. A murderer sucks but if the murderer is so poor he never went to school and he was raised by an abusive, alcoholic parent, then can we really blame the murderer for been screwed up? And if we choose to blame his government for not providing him with free education and not protecting him from his parents, then we must also blame those who elected the government. But what if the people who voted were brainwashed by the media? I could keep going but instead I’ll go onto a more exciting example…pimples! Pimples are gross, pussy, painful, and most of all ugly. But at least for me pimples are a great reminder that I should take care of myself better and eat less junk. Whenever I see a ragging pimple party getting started on my face, I reassess my health, try to get more sleep, and try to eat less chocolate, coffee, and sweets.

So I should get to the point. The fact that life is relative, complicated, and far from black and white makes me depressed sometimes. I get depressed because it makes me feel like anything I do to try to help humanity and make the world better will not make much of a difference it the large scheme of things. In fact, not only could my efforts not change much but they could also be harmful. I could spend eight years studying to become a doctor but end up prescribing a dangerous medication unnecessarily because I was misinformed about its effectiveness and the severity of its side affects. Or I could start a famine-relief non-profit organization but end up giving so much food to people that they become dependent on my organization and, generations down the line, forget how to produce their own food.

Now I realize that there is no need to ever be depressed! What all this means is that all I can do is try my best and focus on the one thing I know will always produce positive results: loving people. I don’t need to go to school to know how to love and I don’t even need to exert much effort. This is an example of how sometimes things get so complicated that they go back to being simple.

Maybe its easy to be happy everywhere

When I was living a rural village on the coast of Kenya, I wrote a blog entry called “Its easy to be happy in Africa.” You should read it if you haven’t but basically I talked about how the beauty of my surroundings, the peaceful and friendly people I was around, and the simplicity of my life made it so much easier for me to be happy there than it normally is in the US. I honestly thought, as I was writing that entry, that coming back to the US was going to be very difficult. I would miss the ocean, the bright starts at night, the friendly, loving people, and because of this I would be unhappy, at least at first. But I haven’t been unhappy.  I did have a couple of emotional breakdowns shortly after I came back but, in general, I think I’ve been happier the last few months than I have been since I moved to the US when I was eleven. Even now that I’m back in school and I’m sleep-deprived and my days are incredibly busy, I find myself enjoying each pleasant moment, like when I’m walking from one class to another and the sun is shining on my face, I run into a friend and say hi, I sit around in apartment eating cookies and talking to my roommates, or when one of my teachers shares something he or she is really excited about. This may sound kind of cheesy to some of you but I mean it, and I think I figured out at least one reason why I’ve been so happy. The experiences I had in Kenya, the things I saw, the people I became close to, the goats, the skin infections, the smells, the music, the food–everything was so different that I was inspired, and in some ways forced, to get out of my head and pay more attention to my surroundings. Things were so unusual and interesting to me that I didn’t want to miss out on anything and, therefore, tried hard not to distract myself with needless worries, day dreams, or thoughts of the future. Some of that newly-found awareness has carried over and, even though things here are not unique to my eyes, they often seem just as interesting. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain this, but I think that the more I am aware of my surroundings and appreciate them, the less I feel like I’m in them and entrapped by them. Its almost like I’m not really where I am and because of that I am also in Kenya and in other places that I have lived in, love, and miss a lot, like Brazil and Northern Ireland. Its like I live more on Earth and less in Amherst, Massachusetts.

Anyways, I don’t usually write about abstract things like this but for some reason I was inspired to today. So, thanks for reading this, though it may have been a little weird

The Adventures of Julia Gulia, Apu, GSteezie, and Me (Part II)

If you haven’t read part I, scroll down and read that first

Julia Gulia, Apu, GSteezie, and Debbie were very tired from the adventures they had the day before- traveling to Africa, hiking the devil’s home, climbing through windows, and jumping onto moving trains. So on their second morning together they all slept until quite late. When they finally woke up, Debbie drove them yet again to East Africa! But this time, they went to Congo instead of Burundi, and visited a nice woman and her two incredibly beautiful children. While Apu and GSteezie spoke to the mother in a mix of Kiswahili, French, and English, Julia Gulia and Debbie took the children outside, and they prophesied that someday Rachel, the little baby girl, would be Miss Universe because she was already, without a doubt, the cutest baby in the world. They all sang, prayed, and ate corn together, but soon it was time to go.

The four friends drove out of Africa and then made their way to a bridge. It had always been Debbie’s dream to jump off that bridge into the lake beneath it, and now she had friends to accompany her. But looking down at the lake from the bridge, she and her three friends were overcome by fear. Yet somehow Apu, GSteezie, and Debbie finally managed to climb over the railing and stand at the edge and got ready to jump. A minute passed and they still hadn’t jumped…then another went by…then five more…and then after almost twenty minutes of painful anticipation Gsteezie jumped off followed immediately by Apu. Everyone watching cheered! Debbie meant to jump off too but somehow couldn’t find the courage, and even after almost an hour of trying, with kind and encouraging words from her friends and from strangers passing by, she still couldn’t do it. Though she felt a bit sad, she was happy for GSteezie and Apu, and she knows that someday, when the time is right, she will jump.

Next, they all headed back to Debbie’s home to eat pizza, pray, and talk with three of Debbie’s Baha’i friends from Vermont. They had a great time but soon it became late and only Julia Gulia, Apu, GSteezie, and Debbie were up, wondering what to do on their last night together. The moon was full and the air was fresh so they couldn’t think of anything better to than to go to the beach and sit by a fire. Late into the night and early morning, the four friends sat around a small fire having deep conversations (and some shallow ones too), admiring the moonlight, eating leftover pizza, and, most of all, enjoying each other’s company.

The next morning they shared one last meal together at a Chinese buffet restaurant, found a tree to sit under in the middle of a random forest by the restaurant, and then said their goodbyes. Though their time in Vermont was sadly over, they knew their adventures together weren’t and this made saying goodbye easier.  Someday I will write more about Julia Gulia, Apu, GSteezie, and Debbie’s adventures, but for now…

The End

Wait! One more thing. Here are two poems GSteezie and Debbie wrote about their time together:

Vermont
a place i’de never been b4
my spirt
lifted to the
millionth floor
i should tell u more

Debbie cooked me food
cuz me gets hungry
Visited my friends
from another
country
it was lovley
hiking in the hillz
of vermont
was something
hard to forget
i’m not gon’ forget
the love
she showed
on behalf
of her friends
Julia Adib,
And G’Steez
You see
I jumped a bridge
and she jumped’
started my mind, once again
Convo’s about life
shoulda let
Julia Win
Just
Kid’id’din
Hah!
Teaching the Faith Of Baha
always brings joy
and a tickle to heart
listen to me Bruh
Vermont
is not
just for gay marriage
my prejudice
demolished
My Love grew More
for these dwellers
of the mountains
Friendships got stronger
some just got started
I’m feeling this spark
like flint
and a rocket
Adib you my Boi
my Cuz, and my Brother
let em all know
how we feeling ..B!
but not too
flagrantly
I’m Just
Playing
But Shoot
Will We Ever
Meet again?
Yo!
I Sure Hope
Debora
You know
You are sweeter
then a Nerds Rope
Julia
My Dear
your da Mainer
Of Da Year
Adib
you better be
making beats in your sleep
LOVE, Respect, and Honor
Sent from Me
your Honorary Beast
lol
Ya Boi Yung Steeez
Peace
ha
Peace

~GSteezie

Thanks G-Steezie
for inspiring meezie
to write words that just flow
from my skull to my scroll

Adib joon
I’ll see you so soon
and for that I am glad
for sure the opposite of sad

Julia soul sister
better than any mister
A kind word from your mouth
is sweeter than corn down south

US, Brazil, TZ, and Haiti
They’re all the same
Not lame
No games
Some pains
Much rain

So these words may be silly
but my love for you is not
Thanks again my dear friends
for visiting me in Vermont

~Debbie

TIA

I came across this in a book I’m reading for a class I’m taking at Smith College and I think it’s one of the best descriptions of Africa I’ve read in a while.

“Ways of life, even within the same country, vary dramatically. Some people may be employed in offices, work in skyscrapers, buy their clothes in department stores, drive automobiles, and own refrigerators and television sets; others may seldom visit cities, live in rural communities, walk miles in the dry season to fetch water, and grow their own food, which they cook over wood fires. At the same time, those who live in the citites may have numbers of their extended family living with them, seek out traditional healers when they are sick, and participate in centuries-old festivals, while those who live in rural areas may listen to transistor radios, buy Coca-Cola at local cafes, and welcome a daughter or son back from graduate studies overseas” ~Phyllis M. Martin and Patrick O’Meara (Africa, Third Edition)

Part 2 of the story below is coming very soon…I promise.

The Adventures of Julia Gulia, Apu, GSteezie, and Me (Part I)

Once upon a time, in a green, mountainous land far far away, a girl named Debbie was sitting alone on a beautiful beach at sunset. As she ran her fingers through the sand and admired the mountains across the ocean-like lake she thought to herself, “I must invite some of my friends to visit me. I must share this beauty with them.” So she made a few phone calls, sent a few facebook messages, and then awaited the special day when her friends Julia Gulia, Apu, and GSteezie would join her on that very beach. Little did she know that she was about to embark one of her life’s craziest adventures.

A few weeks later, Debbie’s three friends drove over mountains, through valleys, and across many rivers before finally reaching their destination: Debbie’s home, known by most as Vermont. Although quite different- Julia Gulia an American who has lived in Maine all her life, Apu a Persian from Haiti, GSteezie a half-Tanzanian-half-American from New York City, and Debbie a Brazilian American- they got along great from the start, united by their common Faith and their love for nature and adventure.

Their adventures started their first night together after a large African dinner. Debbie led everyone to a park by the lake and, to their surprise, they discovered a huge abandoned canon. They climbed it pretending to be American soldiers from the 1800’s and sadly thought about what that canon may have been used for.

The next day they got in Debbie’s car and in five minutes were in East Africa! Don’t ask me how they managed to go from Vermont to East Africa that fast, but just know that its true. In Little Africa they met with a family from Burundi and GSteezie spoke to the adults in Kiswahili and Julia Gulia, Apu, and Debbie played with the children outside. They all enjoyed butter milk and mandazi before returning to Vermont to go on a hike.

The mountain they climbed is called Mt. Philo and it is home to the most evil being in the universe- the devil himself! It is beautiful from the outside but inside lives the spirit of the devil, which comes out every night to sit on its chair on the side of the mountain facing the lake. The four friends sat of his chair- a huge rock formation- and although a bit scared, they felt safe in each other’s company and in the company of forest’s beautiful trees and animals. Had they paid a little more attention, however, they would have noticed that it was the devil and not a wasp that bit Julia Gulia on the wrist- a bite so painful that the poor Julia Gulia feared her end was near. Thankfully she was wrong and did not die.

Debbie and her friends watched the sun set over the lake after the hike and after dinner they sat around chatting. That is until they decided to pray outside but didn’t realize the door was locked when they left the house. Just as Julia Gulia was about to ring the doorbell to wake up Debbie’s mom and everyone, of course, was fearing the scolding they would get for waking Debbie’s mom at such an unimaginable hour, GSteezie yelled, “Stop!” Then without much thought he climbed onto the porch railing, jumped on the roof, crawled to Debbie’s bedroom window, and snuk into the house. Everyone cheered and let out a sigh of relief for not having to wake up Debbie’s mom. Their adventures weren’t over yet, however, because on their way to the lake to say prayers, they rode on a rickshaw (bike taxi), jumped onto a moving train, peed in bushes, and sang songs so loud that anyone could hear (if everyone had been awake, that is).

To be continued…

Is cooking my career?

When I was about 12 years old I loved baking and cooking and was sure that someday I’d own my our restaurant or bakery. But the older I got and the less time I had to cook, the more I forgot about that dream. For a while I thought I was going to be a doctor and now I’m almost 100% set on becoming a midwife. But for the last three summers since I’ve been in college I have, without really wanting or trying, somehow ended up working as a cook. The first two years I was an assistant and this summer I’m a head lunch cook. Its nice to get paid to cook- there are worse things I could be doing for money- but I can’t really say I enjoy going to work or envision myself cooking for a living the rest of my life. Sometimes, especially after someone says somethings like, “the soup you made was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten,” I think that maybe I’m meant to be a cook. Perhaps its God’s will and I’m just being stubborn because I’d rather not carry heavy pots and burn myself all the time. Maybe I have to keep cooking because my food makes people happy and making others happy the only thing that really matters. Maybe, but I don’t think so. Its more simple than that- my food makes people happy because food always makes people happy and that doesn’t mean I should force myself into a career I don’t want and don’t need to have. Silly me. Sometimes I definitely over-think things.

In the kitchen of a cave house in Granada, Spain.

Running is my remedy

I want explain quickly why I renamed my blog to “Life is Simple.” I don’t actually believe life is simple- it’s too full of challenges, surprises, ironies, expectations, injustices and broken hearts to be simple. But, I do think it has the potential to be simple if we are able to constantly and continuously remind ourselves of our true purpose- to know and love God- and are able to take pleasure in little things. I’m hoping this blog will help me simplify my life.

I go running as often as I can and I love it. But normally when I run I get a little too wrapped up in my thoughts and forget to look around and enjoy what I see. So the other day I decided to pay more attention and I took some pictures:

What I see when I look down.

The mural I helped to paint with my sixth grade art class.

A pretty house.

Beautiful.

I take pictures as I run…someone else reads as she walks.

Burlington is beautiful sometimes.

Bump sign as big as a man.

Actual bump: smaller than my hand.

The sign that tells me to stop running because I’ve reached the street I live on.

I like it.

Turning off my iPod when I’m finally home.

Welcome to my renewed blog!

Dear friends, I finally came up with a new title and design for my blog since I can’t keep on pretending that I’m still in Kenya. And, just because I’m not it Kenya, it doesn’t mean I can write, right? Hope that you enjoy my future posts and please leave me comments if you have any. I love comments and I promise that I will reply as much as I can, now that I have access to high-speed internet. Thank you for reading. Much love!