Blogging is more interesting
This is probably the worst time for me to decide to finally update my blog. I have pages and pages left of my senior thesis left to write by the end of the day or at the latest by tomorrow. But I’m inspired and I don’t know when I will be again.
Not too long ago someone told me I should pay more attention to my thoughts- to what I want, what I believe is right. I listened the advice because it made sense. Like most people, I sometimes struggle to listen to what’s in my heart without worrying too much about what others think or want from me. Sometimes I am tempted to blindly imitate others, or tempted to just go with the flow even if it goes against what I think is right. But I try not to because I know that if I want to be a just person I can’t.
O SON OF SPIRIT! The best beloved of all things in My sight is Justice; turn not away therefrom if thou desirest Me, and neglect it not that I may confide in thee. By its aid thou shalt see with thine own eyes and not through the eyes of others, and shalt know of thine own knowledge and not through the knowledge of thy neighbor. Ponder this in thy heart; how it behooveth thee to be. Verily justice is My gift to thee and the sign of My loving-kindness. Set it then before thine eyes. ~Baha’u'llah
I listened to the advice I was given but I am having a hard time implementing it completely because as much as I believe it is true, I also don’t want to be self-centered. I don’t want to make all my decisions based on what I want or think I need because I’m far from perfect. What I want or think I need may be far from what God wills. I should be detached from my desires, make life less about me, make it more about others and about God, and, above all, live as much as I can in accordance to the will of God.
But knowing exactly what God’s wills seems nearly impossible sometimes. What God wants from me is not written in a book, or in the lyrics of an inspiring song, or in the words of a wise, admirable person. Fortunately, we have some guidance from God in the writings of Baha’u'llah, Muhammad, Jesus, and other Divine Educators. These writings tell me that killing someone, judging a person by their skin color, disobeying the law, lying, being lazy, sleeping around, and all that has never been and will never be the will of God. But the Holy Writings say little about what career I should choose, how much time I should spend with my friends, what foods I should eat, what I should wear to the beach, how much money I should spend on shampoo, or who I should date. So where do I go to find out what the will of God is in these situations? I realize now that the advice I was given is more valuable than I thought.
O MY BROTHER! Hearken to the delightsome words of My honeyed tongue, and quaff the stream of mystic holiness from My sugar-shedding lips. Sow the seeds of My divine wisdom in the pure soil of thy heart, and water them with the water of certitude, that the hyacinths of My knowledge and wisdom may spring up fresh and green in the sacred city of thy heart. ~Baha’u'llah
If I pray, read the Writings, and keep what I read in my heart, then the best person I can to turn to when looking for guidance really is me. It’s important to ask for advice and consider what others suggest, but never give it too much weight because sometimes people’s intentions are not pure or their advice is based on experiences that differ greatly from your own reality. Remember this, especially if you ever find yourself in a situation you did not choose to be in or are afraid of listening to the little voice inside you that is telling you to do something that is not easy or goes against the grain.
Okay, back to writing my thesis 
April 19, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Veeeerrrryyyy good. This is exactly what I have been thinking about and I needed to read this. You made it all come together. It is scary how much we are on the same page sometimes. Especially that first hidden word. It has been really speaking to me these days.
April 29, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Debora! You are a beautiful writer. You articulate your ideas and thoughts so beautifully. I think I have probably said this a lot before- but I think you and I are SO much alike! I have been looking through your blog and kept thinking- wow, I feel like I am reading my own blog. It’s so nice to see someone else who thinks similar to me. I also love how you have a broad perspective of the world and life. You are a well rounded person debora.
I am so excited for you to go to Haifa. I graduate next year in May…and I want to do a year of service then. I have considered Haifa, but Bosch keeps coming to me for some reason. We will see when the time gets closer. Thanks for sharing your thoughts- keep it up! You are such a beautiful person! 